Ode to Janice

I feel so bad right now. I feel like I’ve neglected a close friend or family member. I’m calling this blog “Ode to Janice” because last night I read something on line that one of my (currently) favorite authors said. She said that to her, creating her characters is basically this. You create the character, but then that character gets a mind of its own, becomes his or her own person. And it just really resonated with me. It also put in the fact that writers really are a certain kind of insane. My husband worded it best though when he said that writers were like children who never grew out of playing with our toys, bringing them to life, and I tend to agree with him. I can’t recall how many times I did something for a character because they liked it. So, against maybe my better judgement, or whatever you wish to call it, I’m going to reveal Janice. I feel that if she goes the way I want her to, or well not her, but her story, I’ll be doing this again. C’est la vie.

I was 17 when she came to me. And that’s exactly what it was. She came to me. I was sitting at my desk, listening to some music when this vision appeared. I could see her so clearly in my mind, and the thing was I wasn’t thinking about any particular person, or story, but as soon as she popped into my head, I knew her story. I could see her hair was a red, but nothing that natural redheads had, yet it was her natural color. Her eyes a shade of gray, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that weren’t contacts. And it built from there. Soon I was plunking away at my keyboard, seeing her sit in this room I had created. I had this doll to do what I wanted, but it wasn’t like that. Soon I was listening to what she wanted to listen to and creating things for her. It felt completely natural and when I start on a story, it still feels that way. I just feel so damned guilty that I neglected her for so long. The reason? I got scared. I won’t go into a ton of details because that would give so many plot points away, but this was huge. The was perhaps the biggest thing I had started writing. TONS of ideas. Hours of brainstorming and really I didn’t know how to get it all out there. So many things. Too many things. And it just started with a story. Smut. But she wanted me to build more for her. And now last night after reading that post, I realize what I need to do. I need to just write down all of the ideas, even the ones that are total shite and just set them aside. I need to be that friend again, that attentive lover, doting on my character, giving her what she needs. I plan on doing just that. I just hope that it isn’t too late and she still wants to be my friend.