New, not improved, and certainly not edible in most countries

Hello followers and readers alike! I hope everyone’s November 27th was fine, regardless if you celebrated the holiday or not. I’ve been away due to forgetting that I have a blog, which I really shouldn’t do considering I read other peoples’ blogs? It’s confusing to be me sometimes.

But here we are and here we go. I’ve been debating on sharing this bit of information for some time, but ultimately I decided that I needed to share it. It’s not for the sake of getting the attention over it, but merely if it helps someone somewhere, or for the real reason of helping my itchy fingers.

So. Where to start? I guess I’ll just start at the beginning and go from there. (Forgive me if I ramble a little bit. I’m not used to typing my thoughts out, though I really ought to be.)

Hubby and I. And I know that is an improper sentence, but it is just that. We are a we and an us and a couple. Two months ago we weren’t doing so great. But really it begins farther back than that. Months, possibly years ago, things started to not go so great and it was all my fault. I’m not being hard on myself either, it really is my fault. I was trying to hide a big part of who I was and it was hurting our relationship. The secret. The lie. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Now this part may spark some incitement, but really it’s an opinion and since this is my blog, I’m sharing my opinion. Funny that.

I don’t believe in true monogamy. Now don’t get me wrong I believe in true love, but I also believe that it doesn’t just have to happen with one person. I know there are a lot of debates that go on anyway about soul mates and whatnot, but the way I see it is… I want to word this just right so bear with me. The way I believe and see things is I think it’s narrow minded to believe that you are only capable of loving one person, like that. I’m not saying that in the future I’m going to love someone near as much as my hubby, which I’ve explained to him lots of times, but I don’t think he will be the only person I love. Now I do believe in the love where you only really have stars in your eyes for one person, and I feel there are levels to love. I do. I know the basic ones are things like love for your parents, children, friends, household appliances. (Don’t judge.)

It started when I was very young. I couldn’t say how old exactly, but I always knew I was different. I know a lot of people say that, but I really truly believe that I am wired differently. I saw four people in the grocery store, two guys and two gals, just hanging off of each other in a romantic fashion. Without getting weird, I’ve always been sexually aware of things. No I wasn’t molested, I just always “knew” about sex. And while I watched them, besides my mother having a fit of the heebee jeebees (spelling?), I just knew that they were all together. And I just remember thinking. I want that. Sometime down the road, I knew I would have that. Watching them together, how happy they all were, it just felt right. It felt like the most normal thing to be watching. No weirder than if it was only two of them together. Fast forward many years and I still felt that way, but I was worried about it being a bad thing. When I entered my first relationships something seemed off. When hubby and I got together, things felt less off, but I always had that nagging in the back on my head. And so I tried to hide to it. In doing so, I killed my libido almost completely. I made him insane from not letting him take care of his needs, which I am scarlet to admitting. There are, well were only a couple of people who knew that, and it was because of the shame I felt. I just let it dig into me and eat away my lust.

And for the sake of time and potential boredom, I’ll skip the conversation we had and the heartache that almost was. He jokes often that I’m sewing oats, but ultimately when I told him, he gave me this “duh” look and said, “I’ve been waiting for years for this to start!” Because, oh yeah, we had this conversation years ago that I completely forgot about! Hooray for my brain and the things it chooses to remember. So what are we doing about it? Well we’ve entered into the swinging scene, for lack of better terminology. And I do have to say that it has given us a boost in our relationship. I guess I can see how some people would say we are just spicing things up, but it feels like so much more is going on.

To us sex is just sex. Not with each other I should clarify, but with other people. I’ve personally never understood how it makes sense that you no longer lust for other people after getting with someone. That goes completely against human nature. Humans want more and more of whatever they can get their hands on. We see this example every day in every day life. It doesn’t stop when you reach the bedroom. When I say monogamy is a lie, I mean it. I really feel that when someone gets with their partner then they are only making the choice to be with that one person. They are choosing to ignore the feelings of lust or wanting for someone else because why? Because it’s “wrong.” I won’t get into morals or religion or any affiliations of the two, but we all know why, and not why.

When I’m having sex with another man, my husband is right there with me. I don’t want to put too many racy details on here, but when he’s holding me while we’re having fun with someone else, or kissing me, or looking into my eyes… I can’t really describe the feeling, the sensation of just how utterly right it feels. How fulfilled I am at the moment. It makes no never mind to me the judgement I’ll receive over it either. Does it make me a slut? In one’s opinion. In another’s it’s just us doing what humans do. And boy howdy, no matter what restriction is applied, humans love fucking. Plain and simple.

I love my hubby more and more with every session we have. I get up in the morning after we’ve had our fun and there’s not a moment that doesn’t pass up where we’re not happy. I like to call it my destressing sessions because it really does help with that. Throughout the day, we’ll find each other catching a look at the other and just smile. Or we’ll sit and talk about it and get excited for the next time. If we’ve not had a good session, then we find a way to joke about it or the person and it’s ours. It’s what we share and there’s no better feeling for me. I love it when I go to work the next day and I’m just grinning to myself thinking about what I’ve done and how taboo it would be to talk about it. It’s exhilarating and totally freeing. And I have to say that it’s definitely taught me so much! I’d never thought about most of the things I’ve encountered thus far. It’s been a great learning experience and I really could not nor have wanted to do this without him.